His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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