a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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