How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
