literally had 100 drinks last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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