I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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