i love accidental penises.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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