u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
