we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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