oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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