i just wanna soil my oats bro
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
