saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
