fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
