Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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