Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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