I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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