Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
