it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
