Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
