Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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