Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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