Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i now understand why vodka
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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