Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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