just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
