not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
