I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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