Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
