Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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