That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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