Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
