the condom got lost in my hair
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
