She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
