just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
