New invention idea: vibrating tampons
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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