And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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