is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We need to get me chipped asap
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
