You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
