once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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