I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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