During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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