i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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