I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
