did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize