I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize