all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
