Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
