you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
