I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
