Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize