In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
