Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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