A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
