Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
