I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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