I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
