No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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