I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
