My underwear smells like fireworks.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
