Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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