Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
