My nipple is on Facebook.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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