How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
