I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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