If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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