I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Shame is for Republicans.
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