So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
