It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
