its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
