Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
