Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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