Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
