they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize