sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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