I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
