I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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