i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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