im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he fucked my hip out of place.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize