drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
