yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
