SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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