I want to walk on stilts...naked
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
