Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
