no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
