I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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