I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
