Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
