she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
