where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
