My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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