she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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