I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
