don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
