I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
