i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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