Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize