it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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