She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
His nipple licking is glorious
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