I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
