peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
