I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
